I'm not necessarily a conversational blog....
more pictures and art...but tonight I have only words.
Words and thoughts that need to be said so I can move on....we can move on.
Our visit to the Oncologist today was the culmination of my biggest fears.
To save you all the technical, medical mumbo jumbo....Just let me say that the cancer that was supposed to be a slow grower has now turned into an over achiever and become a fast grower.
There are now lesions on Daves lungs...more on the liver and colon.
Something showing up on his right leg below the knee and on it goes.........
there came a point when my mind as she was talking momentarily just checked out.
When I returned Dave was reassuring her that we would not be doing anymore chemo....
that he would not be trading in quality of life just to add a couple more months of longevity.
Not subjecting his family to witnessing the deterioration that would come with this horrific chemo that was being suggested with no guarantee of anything.
I sat there listening to him...like someone had robbed me of my tongue....dumbfounded and yet marveling at the way he was communicating. Like he was at a board meeting...eloquently bringing people around to his point of view through his earnest explaination.
I felt like I was witnessing the Holy Spirit speaking through him.
Have you ever had those moments? Straight from above?
When he finished...the oncologist looked at us and said something to the effect that if in this position herself she would hope she could make the same decision.....No Chemo.
We left with an appt. scheduled for a couple months
just to keep an eye on him , earilier if needed.
We were told Dave only has months...only God knows the days that are numbered upon this mans head.
God and God alone...
As a man who loves his family beyond anything...he is now about the business of getting things in order....knowing him as I do,
he will not rest until every" t "has been crossed and every "i "dotted.
Life on this earth is a "Gift"....going home to be with the Lord for eternity is the "Hope" of those who love HIM.
My man says he is ready....
My heart is bleeding "sorrow"...
I pray I am everything he needs me to be when the time comes....
God promises to supply when we need it.....I'm counting on it because HE always has.
Covet your prayers as we have Grands here until Sunday...the tears need to stay in my head until then.
Not my strenght at this point...
I wish you could really know this man...he is my strongest weakness.
I cannot imagine life here without him.
Please pray for my 4 grown children, if your a parent you know....
Our Grands are sleeping as I write this and my love is asleep also.
I needed this time to communicate to you my sadness for the moment...
I am fully aware that "Joy" will come in the morning.
I for one will welcome it with open arms.
God Bless, Kathy.